Deranged Ramblings

After my incredibly snobby post about good art, I've been starting to think of myself as something of a hypocrite (yeah, huge revelation there). Because, as much as I'm all about finding good art with “substance,” I more than frequently indulge myself in cheesy, light, feel-good stuff that doesn't make me think, only makes me smile. I indulged in this brand of sugar-coated entertainment just last night, and it was a lot of fun. I have no regrets. Last night, I saw Air Supply in concert. Some of you may never have heard of them (shame on you!), but I'd bet money you've heard their music. That's because they wrote many of the songs that form the backbone of every “light adult contemporary” radio station, including “I'm All Out of Love,” “Making Love Out of Nothing at All,” “Lost in Love,” “The One That You Love,” “The Power of Love,” and, of course, “How Many Times Can I Say The Word Love in One Song?” Ok, so that last one is made up. I'd place them in t...

I frequently get into discussions about random subjects with a co-worker, because its an easy and convieniant way to put off doing more work (or pretending to do more work, as the case may be). Today, for some reason, we were discussing theater, and he asked me which local theater venues were the best, in my opinion. I replied that that really depended on what your idea of good theater was, because there are definitely different schools of thought on that point. He said good theater is entertaining theater. That's all. Same for film, books, TV, etc. Entertaining = good. No other qualities required. I don't want to make fun of my coworker or criticize his viewpoint. He's a great guy. His view on what makes good art is held by millions of other people. When I suggested that perhaps good art involved a bit more than simple entertainment, he suggested that I was a snob who had lived too long in an artsy bubble. Which is a valid point. I encounter this point of view very often...

It's real. See for yourself.

Today is a special day. Exactly one year ago today, I first decided I'd see what this new blog craze was about by starting up one of my own. I figured I'd play around with it for a few weeks before losing interest, but somehow, surprisingly, I stuck with it. I don't usually follow through with anything, so this is a big deal. One whole year of blogging; one year distilled and digitized for posterity. Consider it my little gift to the world, and to myself. It's quite gratifying to look back over my various posts and remember the events of the last year. It's our first year anniversary, and my blog and I are still in our honeymoon phase. In the last year, I submitted exactly 100 posts to the blog. Many of them were really crappy, frankly. Some were simply filler material, some attempted to be profound and were only tedious, and some served merely as means to vent any emotion I felt like venting. On rare occasions, however, I actually wrote something that I thought wa...

For reasons past my comprehension, I have been assigned the task of defining ten words that begin with the letter "D" in a manner which somehow reflects my personality. Many bloggers have preceeded me with various other letters. Here is one of them by the friend who then passed the torch on to me. I relied heavily on Ambrose Bierce's timeless work "The Devil's Dictionary" for inspiration. In fact, half of the definitions (everything in italics) are his. The other half can be blamed solely on me. 1. DANCE , v.i. To leap about to the sound of tittering music, preferably with arms about your neighbor's wife or daughter. There are many kinds of dances, but all those requiring the participation of the two sexes have two characteristics in common: they are conspicuously innocent, and warmly loved by the vicious. 2. DATE , n. A highly-frustrating and usually fruitless activity often undertaken in a spirit of obligation under the pretense of familiarizing s...

Dearly Beloved, We gather here today to remember our dear friend and loved one, Matt. For twenty five years he has brought joy and frustration into our lives in his own unique and disturbing way. For a quarter of a century he has walked the earth, touched our hearts, and depressed our spirits. Matt was never self-serving or arrogant. He never spoke much of himself, didn't seek the limelight. He would be embarrassed, I think, by all of this attention. But today, on the celebration of his life, it would only be appropriate to say a few words on his behalf. I would like to take this time, then, to remember him and to honor him. Many of you will always remember Matt as the remarkably attractive young man with brown eyes full of hope and cynicism in equal measure, grinning goofily at both the world's incompetence and his own. But to those of us who knew him best, he was so much more. He was a true friend in times of need; always willing to listen briefly to your problems before laun...

So I'm sitting in my cubicle, waiting for the urge to work to hit me so that I can actually get something productive done today. I've been here an hour and no urges yet. Not a single one. I'm aware that this is irresponsible of me. It reflects poorly on my maturity and work ethic. I'm also aware that everybody else here today is doing the same thing. In an average week, I get perhaps four or five productive hours on the good days and two or three hours on the bad days. This may sound like an ideal situation to some, but the constant tedium of having to fill those excess hours with SOMEthing is almost as draining as if I actually did what I'm being paid for. So why not just work the whole time? The answer is simple: I am in a situation in which it is to my disadvantage to work as efficiently as I can. I will produce more headache for myself and my coworkers if I were to burn through my work in a matter of a few weeks rather than a few months. Frankly, I could work m...

As many of you already know, since I'm horrible at keeping anything on the “down-low,” I have started working a personal trainer at the gym within the last couple of weeks. His name is Taylor and he is a nice young man currently attending UVSC. I meet with him twice a week for half an hour and let me tell you what, he doesn't pull any punches. He works me so hard I'm sore for days and days afterwards! This guy is an animal! Today, for example, I'm finding it a bit difficult to go up and down stairs and to sit without wincing in a bit of muscle pain. Taylor scoffs at such petty inconvieniances. Its a good kind of pain! It builds character. And despite my usual inclination away from physical activity of any kind, I actually have to agree. I decided to sign up with a trainer for a number of reasons: 1) I clearly had NO idea what I was doing at the gym, with the result that I would usually just avoid going, 2) I needed something to keep me going even when my inherent lazin...

If you are in need of a simple way to amuse yourself in a few empty moments (as I often am at work), then head over to www.blogthings.com where you can take a bunch of random and meaningless quizzes designed to tell you everything about yourself based upon four or five stupid questions. It's hardly sound physchological evaluation, but I was surprised by the number of times it seemed to be dead on. I reprint the more successful and/or amusing results here for your passing amusement. QUIZZES ABOUT ME IN GENERAL How Open Minded Are You? You Are 52% Open Minded You are a very open minded person, but you're also well grounded. Tolerant and flexible, you appreciate most lifestyles and viewpoints. But you also know where you stand firm, and you can draw that line. You're open to considering every possibility - but in the end, you stand true to yourself. How American Are You? You Are 49% American America: You don't love it or want to leave it. But you wouldn't mind giving ...

What is Xanadu? Boy, am I glad you asked! It's a place where nobody dares to go. Its “A Fantasy, A Musical, A Place Where Dreams Come True.” It defies definition and expectations. Its an experience unlike any other. Anybody who attended the wild and crazy Hamlet cast party last Saturday night would agree: its life-changing. Like they say in the song, “they needed the world to know they are in XANADU.” In more mundane terms, Xanadu is a “movie” (I use the term loosely) made in 1980 starring Olivia Newton-John and Gene Kelly. It's difficult to accurately express what it is like. Its the most impossibly and fantastically bad movie ever made. I mean, some films are just bad and you watch them and you're merely bored or irritated. Its takes a rare moment of movie magic for all the bad elements to combine so perfectly to make something so thoroughly and thrillingly entertaining. Olivia Newton-John (whats with TWO surnames anyway? Seems greedy) stars as Kira, a glowing, groovy, ...

I can remember quite vividly the exact moment when I first looked at eyebrows. I mean, really looked at them and thought about them. I was sitting the passenger seat of a jeepney , the dominant form of public transportation in the Philippines, looking at myself in the side view mirror. I realized suddenly that there was hair growing on my forehead. All my life I had never given a second thought to these two strange patches perching confidently above my eyes, but now they seemed alien and bizarre. I began looking at the people around me – the Filipino driver next to me, the other passengers seated in the back waiting stoically for their destination to at last arrive, various people on the side of the road. They all had eyebrows! For some reason I found this incredibly odd. When you think about it, the bottom of your forehead seems a bit of an unlikely place for two distinctly shaped growths of hair to inhabit. I recognize, of course, their functional purpose. Not only do they block s...

Ok, everybody. Somebody started this fad of creating quizzes about yourself, so here's mine. I couldn't bring myself to take it too seriously. Good luck. Matt's Quiz If you score badly, you obviously aren't a very good friend.

In my mind I'm goin' to Carolina Can't you see the sunshine Can't you just feel the moonshine Ain't it just like a friend of mine To hit me from behind Yes I'm goin' to Carolina in my mind Dark and silent late last night I think I might've heard the highway calling Geese in flight and dogs that bite Signs that might be omens say I'm going I'm goin' to Carolina in my mind With a holy host of others standing 'round me Still I'm on the dark side of the moon And it seems like it goes on like this forever You must forgive me If I'm up and goin' to Carolina in my mind In my mind I'm goin' to Carolina Can't you see the sunshine Can't you just feel the moonshine Ain't it just like a friend of mine To hit me from behind Yes I'm goin' to Carolina in my mind Goin' to Carolina in my mind And I'm goin' to Carolina in my mind Goin' to Carolina in my mind

One website I like to visit frequently is mcsweeneys.net , where erudite and expressive people contribute short articles about varied subjects for the general amusement of all. One feature that you can contribute to is called "Open Letters to People or Entities That Are Unlikely To Respond." I suggest you check it out, I'm a big fan. I have written my own contribution based on a situation in my own life, slightly exagerated of course for comedic effect. I have now revised it and submitted it to the website. Thanks to everybody who gave me input! (4/6/06 Note: The editors "decided to pass" on my submission. Oh well.) An Open Letter to My Persistent Yet Unwelcome Arch-Nemesis Dear Arch-Nemesis, When I was three-to-five years old, I loved the movie "Superman II." In my childish innocence I regarded it as far superior to its predecessor, a blatant example of the inability of young minds to make informed value judgments. Nevertheless, I could quote all the...

I know you like me. Ok, perhaps “like” is too strong of a word, but I clearly don't totally drive you crazy, or why would you keep coming back to read my blog? Seriously. Unless you are some kind of masochist or something. I think we can safely assume, then, that you like me, and so I won't feel bad about continuing to talk about myself. See, people often discuss things that they have in common, and this is what you and I have in common: we both like me. And if you are a regular reader of my blog, you probably wish you could know more about me. Well, today we are going to explore an aspect of my life which I usually keep completely hidden from everybody. For the first time ever, I'm going to pull back the lid and let it all hang loose, so to speak. Hold on to your seats, my friends, because we are going on a wild thrill ride through the depths of..... Matt's iPod! (cue dramatic music here). I decided to let you in on a bit of my eccentricity by putting my iPod on shuf...

Every time I begin to think that I have grown sufficiently cynical and jaded to prevent any further heartbreak caused from the clash of high ideals with harsh reality, something invariably happens to prove me yet a romantic, quixotic fool with no real concept of life. At times like this I feel like disillusionment is to be my lot in life. I am fated to be continually disappointed by the world because I seem incapable of lowering my expectations. I feel like I always look for the best in people and give them the benefit of the doubt. The problem with people is that when you extend that much confidence and trust to everybody, you are bound to be let down very often. Perhaps I'm shallow, but I always assume that people are being genuine with me and that what they are saying is what they really think. I must be arrogant, too, because I can't fathom anybody disliking or disrespecting me. It really boils down to an incredulity that anybody, especially people I barely know at all, wo...

Ever since starting full time work (or as I call it, killed slowly by capitalism), I've noticed that every other month or so (sometimes oftener if I really hate my job) I just need a day off. I'm not talking about Saturday and Sunday – those don't count! I mean I day where I should go to work but don't. I think this helps me feel like I'm not a total slave to the system and that I'm in control of my own life. This sense of empowerment is illusionary, but it really helps me get through the next two-months of tedium. It's been a rough week. There have been a variety of pressures at work that made it even less attractive than usual. Its not at all surprising, then, that yesterday when I woke up I decided that in an act of moral protestation I would boycott work. I may or may not have enough sick hours to cover a whole day of absence, but I do not care. There are principles at stake. I'm a man of principles and ideals, especially in regards to this issue (I...

In keeping with my personal mission statement to "assist individuals in their quest for perfection and eternal life" I have decided to post an educational blog today. I'm going to present ten wonderfully descriptive and useful adjectives which you can actually use in conversation and writing! Any one of these illuminative words could really spice up your life. Give it a try! 1. affable - easy & pleasant to speak to; approachable. 2. chimerical - given to unrealistic fanatasies 3. dicombobulated - thrown into a state of confusion 4. facetious - playfully jocular, bantering, tongue-in-cheek 5. fictive - of, relating to, or able to engage in imaginative invention 6. garrulous - given to excessive and often trivial or rambling talk ; wordy 7. latitudinarian - holding or expressing broad or tolerant views 8. lugubrious - mournful, dismal, or gloomy to an exaggerated degree 9. prurient - inordinately interested in matters of sex 10. quixotic - caught up in the r...

Well, the debate is over and the questions of my immediate future have at last been answered. I have been offered a spot in an MFA acting program and I have accepted it. It is done. I'm leaving. My future beckons. It's a three-year program that emphasizes in classical repretory acting (which means Shakespeare and the like for you non-theater people). The facilities and faculty seem top rate, and the third year includes a working internship with one of a number of prestigious professional theaters. All in all, it seems to be exactly what I was hoping for, with only one exception. It's in South Carolina. Where's that, you ask? Well, the easy answer is just below North Carolina, but I won't be that facile with you. It's a much more complex question than you think. What on earth am I, who have never lived east of the Mississippi river, going to do on the east coast deep in the heart of the old south? I don't know anything about this state! Before this year, I...

I don't mention enough what great friends I've had in my life. I spent some time this weekend with a few of them. My friend Ben and I drove up to Salt Lake to watch Tristram Shandy: A Cock and Bull Story which turned out to be a pleasant experience all around. In addition to being extremely funny and a snappy dresser, Ben is always good for some old-fashioned erudite conversation. Our topics of discussion range from science fiction novels to theater and art, from nerdy games to thoughtful social criticism. We enjoyed the film immensely. I love going to the Broadway theater in SLC because the audience always seems to be very engaged in whats going on. There was a lot of hearty laughter all around us at the wacky, rather dry humor of the movie, and that really added to the experience. Afterwards, we felt like going someplace nice-ish to eat, so we drove around downtown Salt Lake looking for culinary options. He nearly embarassed me to death when we pulled up along side two girl...