For reasons past my comprehension, I have been assigned the task of defining ten words that begin with the letter "D" in a manner which somehow reflects my personality. Many bloggers have preceeded me with various other letters. Here is one of them by the friend who then passed the torch on to me. I relied heavily on Ambrose Bierce's timeless work "The Devil's Dictionary" for inspiration. In fact, half of the definitions (everything in italics) are his. The other half can be blamed solely on me.
1. DANCE, v.i. To leap about to the sound of tittering music, preferably with arms about your neighbor's wife or daughter. There are many kinds of dances, but all those requiring the participation of the two sexes have two characteristics in common: they are conspicuously innocent, and warmly loved by the vicious.
2. DATE, n. A highly-frustrating and usually fruitless activity often undertaken in a spirit of obligation under the pretense of familiarizing somebody with yourself while actually pretending to be someone else entirely.
3. DAWN, n. The time when men of reason go to bed. Certain old men prefer to rise at about that time, taking a cold bath and a long walk with an empty stomach, and otherwise mortifying the flesh. They then point with pride to these practices as the cause of their sturdy health and ripe years; the truth being that they are hearty and old, not because of their habits, but in spite of them. The reason we find only robust persons doing this thing is that it has killed all the others who have tried it.
4. DAY, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent. This period is divided into two parts, the day proper and the night, or day improper — the former devoted to sins of business, the latter consecrated to the other sort. These two kinds of social activity overlap.
5. DENIAL, n. A pleasant state that usually succeeds, for a time, in promoting mental health by postponing mental anguish. A high-interest emotional loan.
6. DESPAIR, v. To indulge oneself selfishly in the tragic, ignoring all obvious evidences of the comic. Closing your eyes, plugging your ears, and shouting “LA LA LA LA” at the world.
7. DESTINY, n. A tyrant's authority for crime and fool's excuse for failure.
8. DIET, n. A thoroughly exhausting exercise involving the mind-numbingly difficult task of paying attention to what you put in your mouth.
9. DIPLOMACY, n. The patriotic art of lying for one's country.
10. DOLLAR, n. A little slip of green paper endowed by society with a shifting, non-inherent value, for which men routinely lie, cheat, fight, and kill.
1. DANCE, v.i. To leap about to the sound of tittering music, preferably with arms about your neighbor's wife or daughter. There are many kinds of dances, but all those requiring the participation of the two sexes have two characteristics in common: they are conspicuously innocent, and warmly loved by the vicious. 2. DATE, n. A highly-frustrating and usually fruitless activity often undertaken in a spirit of obligation under the pretense of familiarizing somebody with yourself while actually pretending to be someone else entirely.
3. DAWN, n. The time when men of reason go to bed. Certain old men prefer to rise at about that time, taking a cold bath and a long walk with an empty stomach, and otherwise mortifying the flesh. They then point with pride to these practices as the cause of their sturdy health and ripe years; the truth being that they are hearty and old, not because of their habits, but in spite of them. The reason we find only robust persons doing this thing is that it has killed all the others who have tried it.
4. DAY, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent. This period is divided into two parts, the day proper and the night, or day improper — the former devoted to sins of business, the latter consecrated to the other sort. These two kinds of social activity overlap.
5. DENIAL, n. A pleasant state that usually succeeds, for a time, in promoting mental health by postponing mental anguish. A high-interest emotional loan.
6. DESPAIR, v. To indulge oneself selfishly in the tragic, ignoring all obvious evidences of the comic. Closing your eyes, plugging your ears, and shouting “LA LA LA LA” at the world.
7. DESTINY, n. A tyrant's authority for crime and fool's excuse for failure.
8. DIET, n. A thoroughly exhausting exercise involving the mind-numbingly difficult task of paying attention to what you put in your mouth.
9. DIPLOMACY, n. The patriotic art of lying for one's country.
10. DOLLAR, n. A little slip of green paper endowed by society with a shifting, non-inherent value, for which men routinely lie, cheat, fight, and kill.
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