Deranged Ramblings

I know you like me. Ok, perhaps “like” is too strong of a word, but I clearly don't totally drive you crazy, or why would you keep coming back to read my blog? Seriously. Unless you are some kind of masochist or something. I think we can safely assume, then, that you like me, and so I won't feel bad about continuing to talk about myself. See, people often discuss things that they have in common, and this is what you and I have in common: we both like me. And if you are a regular reader of my blog, you probably wish you could know more about me. Well, today we are going to explore an aspect of my life which I usually keep completely hidden from everybody. For the first time ever, I'm going to pull back the lid and let it all hang loose, so to speak. Hold on to your seats, my friends, because we are going on a wild thrill ride through the depths of..... Matt's iPod! (cue dramatic music here). I decided to let you in on a bit of my eccentricity by putting my iPod on shuf...

Every time I begin to think that I have grown sufficiently cynical and jaded to prevent any further heartbreak caused from the clash of high ideals with harsh reality, something invariably happens to prove me yet a romantic, quixotic fool with no real concept of life. At times like this I feel like disillusionment is to be my lot in life. I am fated to be continually disappointed by the world because I seem incapable of lowering my expectations. I feel like I always look for the best in people and give them the benefit of the doubt. The problem with people is that when you extend that much confidence and trust to everybody, you are bound to be let down very often. Perhaps I'm shallow, but I always assume that people are being genuine with me and that what they are saying is what they really think. I must be arrogant, too, because I can't fathom anybody disliking or disrespecting me. It really boils down to an incredulity that anybody, especially people I barely know at all, wo...

Ever since starting full time work (or as I call it, killed slowly by capitalism), I've noticed that every other month or so (sometimes oftener if I really hate my job) I just need a day off. I'm not talking about Saturday and Sunday – those don't count! I mean I day where I should go to work but don't. I think this helps me feel like I'm not a total slave to the system and that I'm in control of my own life. This sense of empowerment is illusionary, but it really helps me get through the next two-months of tedium. It's been a rough week. There have been a variety of pressures at work that made it even less attractive than usual. Its not at all surprising, then, that yesterday when I woke up I decided that in an act of moral protestation I would boycott work. I may or may not have enough sick hours to cover a whole day of absence, but I do not care. There are principles at stake. I'm a man of principles and ideals, especially in regards to this issue (I...

In keeping with my personal mission statement to "assist individuals in their quest for perfection and eternal life" I have decided to post an educational blog today. I'm going to present ten wonderfully descriptive and useful adjectives which you can actually use in conversation and writing! Any one of these illuminative words could really spice up your life. Give it a try! 1. affable - easy & pleasant to speak to; approachable. 2. chimerical - given to unrealistic fanatasies 3. dicombobulated - thrown into a state of confusion 4. facetious - playfully jocular, bantering, tongue-in-cheek 5. fictive - of, relating to, or able to engage in imaginative invention 6. garrulous - given to excessive and often trivial or rambling talk ; wordy 7. latitudinarian - holding or expressing broad or tolerant views 8. lugubrious - mournful, dismal, or gloomy to an exaggerated degree 9. prurient - inordinately interested in matters of sex 10. quixotic - caught up in the r...

Well, the debate is over and the questions of my immediate future have at last been answered. I have been offered a spot in an MFA acting program and I have accepted it. It is done. I'm leaving. My future beckons. It's a three-year program that emphasizes in classical repretory acting (which means Shakespeare and the like for you non-theater people). The facilities and faculty seem top rate, and the third year includes a working internship with one of a number of prestigious professional theaters. All in all, it seems to be exactly what I was hoping for, with only one exception. It's in South Carolina. Where's that, you ask? Well, the easy answer is just below North Carolina, but I won't be that facile with you. It's a much more complex question than you think. What on earth am I, who have never lived east of the Mississippi river, going to do on the east coast deep in the heart of the old south? I don't know anything about this state! Before this year, I...

I don't mention enough what great friends I've had in my life. I spent some time this weekend with a few of them. My friend Ben and I drove up to Salt Lake to watch Tristram Shandy: A Cock and Bull Story which turned out to be a pleasant experience all around. In addition to being extremely funny and a snappy dresser, Ben is always good for some old-fashioned erudite conversation. Our topics of discussion range from science fiction novels to theater and art, from nerdy games to thoughtful social criticism. We enjoyed the film immensely. I love going to the Broadway theater in SLC because the audience always seems to be very engaged in whats going on. There was a lot of hearty laughter all around us at the wacky, rather dry humor of the movie, and that really added to the experience. Afterwards, we felt like going someplace nice-ish to eat, so we drove around downtown Salt Lake looking for culinary options. He nearly embarassed me to death when we pulled up along side two girl...

Due to an incredible stroke of good luck on my part, I get to do Hamlet again every Tuesday for the next couple of months! I'm very excited about this, as I found that I missed the experience much more than I thought I would. For historical interest, I have decided to post a number of pictures from last semester, courtesy of Fallon. This way I'll have an easy place to look back and remember... Here we have the whole cast in the van, singing along to "All I Want For Christmas Is You." From left to right: Chris Clark (Claudius/Ghost) Spencer Green (Laertes/Player) Matt Haws (Hamlet) David St. Julian (Horatio/Player) Laura Sorensen (Queen Gertrude) Debra Moses (Polonia/Gravedigger) Our patient Stage Manager, Becky! And Fallon (Ophelia) Most of the cast in costume at the start of the show. Chris Clark as the Ghost of Hamlet's father. How on earth am I supposed to take this spirit seriously?? Hamlet and Gertrude Fallon scaring the crap out of some little kid with her ...

I feel as though I'm coming off a funk I've been in lately. The last week or so I've been up and down, though mostly down. I've had this sore throat and runny nose and gunk for over a week now and though it hasn't really been bad enough to interfere too much in my life its certainly been annoying. Plus there's been a lot to think about, a lot of unexpected changes coming my way and I'm not at all sure how to handle them. Plus the Oscars were pretty depressing. But mostly I found myself regressing into uncertainty and doubt and fear and shame, which were once my constant companions and who I have only begun recently to live without. At times fear clenched my heart and drained me of all my power, like some kind of kryptonite. I felt apathetic and pessimistic. I was overwhelmed by the odds. I wanted to give up on everything. No more. Today I feel full of energy and drive, like I can do anything. Once again I remember the choices I made long ago not to meddle ...

Bored with dull corporate nowhere jobs? Looking for excitement, a chance to travel, meet new people, and be part of a success-oriented and motivated team? Then you should consider an exciting career in anonymous henchmaning! The recent boost in the evil villian market has left a huge demand for capable, detail-oriented, and above all totally obedient legions of henchman. This new opportunity can offer excitement and job fulfillment like no other industry. Common duties involve: setting up and running a complicated underground lair, patrolling sensitive areas in highly predictive patterns, half-heartedly guarding important prisoners, and assisting evil masterminds in their plots and eventual escapes. If you are physically fit, combat-able, and utterly incapable of thinking for yourself, then anonymous henchman may be the right job for you. Our introductory packages include a three-month internship with a disreputable evil organization, followed by assignment to a cutting edge base of op...

My favorite morning radio talk show, which I listen to religously while preparing for work each day, has a regular segment featuring lists of "Things That Must Go," in which they read submissions from listeners about things in life which bug or otherwise irritate them and which they believe should stop. These range from petty annoyances to major ideological clashes. Anyway, its great fun and, as I found, a good way to vent. I've come up with a couple that I may submit to the station. Here are a few of them that are certain not to offend anybody (which of course is my top priority): 1.People who say “I don't like to read,” as if they are daring rebels who are boldly setting a new trend. You don't like to read – fine, thats your loss, but don't pretend like you are a member of a persecuted minority! 2.The phrase, “I'm not racist, but....” which is inevitably followed by something racist. If you really must give vent to whatever ignorant and simplistic ideas ...

OK, I know what you all want to hear about. I went to Chicago for a reason, after all. It was my intention to get into a grad school. It didn't quite go as I had thought it would. I'm not sure exactly what I expected to happen, actually. Did I really think that I'd take the stage, perform my monologues with staggering talent, and every single university recruiter would stand up and beg me to come to their school? Well, that certainly didn't happen. In fact, the end result of my efforts there is only about a "so so" on the excellence scale. I was told over and over again that the last thing the people organizing these things wanted was for me to be nervous. I believe that, but the format of the audition process does little to achieve that end. I know there's not really any other way to accomodate the hundreds and hundreds of head-in-the-clouds actors who desperately want to be "discovered" than putting them all in a big room and calling them in to...

Downtown Chicago, like most major cities, is populated by an intimidating forest of gigantic metal trees, each staring down imposingly upon the small, fleshy inhabitants who wend their way in between the massive trunks with their reddened faces set grimly into the biting wind. Wind can be comforting - a mother's caress on smooth baby skin, a lover's hand run intimately through your hair – but in Chicago the wind is hostile and venomous. The long corridors of skyscrapers perfectly funnel the cold air from off Lake Michigan and throw it with expert precision, like a ninja chucking metal stars, right into your face. It's not fast; it doesn't want to knock you over in one sudden gust. It prefers instead to chill you slowly, grinding down your spirit until you lose the will to live. It's murderous, that wind; it wants to kill you. You can feel it. The denizens of the windy city seem accustomed to this malevolent force in their midst, and, in defiance of its power, go abo...

Today I'd like to share with you something that makes me very happy, something that brings little rays of sunshine into my life every day. I trust that all my friends have refined and exacting tastes and have not totally been brainwashed by mainstream American entertainment. Not one of you watches American Idol, I would venture to guess (and if you do, please don't tell me – it would break my heart). As thoughtful and educated members of society, I'm sure you would be willing to give any recommendations I might make a chance. Like many good things in life, what am I about to pitch to you is definitely an acquired taste (for most Americans). But since it brings me so much joy and pleasure, it would be wrong of me not to tell you, my dear friends, all about it. I'm talking, of course, about British comedy. British comedy is, I believe, superior to its American counterparts in nearly every single way. I don't expect you to come to the same conclusion, but I'd hope...

I wasn't feeling very well yesterday (stressed and discouraged, with a slight sore throat) and so I decided, quite selfishly, that I deserved a break from the rigorous and painful sugar strike I put myself on last week. I had already anticipated this would happen, back when the determination to eat healthy and nothing but healthy was fresh and strong, and had removed all of the obvious sources of temptation from my house. Still, in my new sugar-starved state, I was able to work around this obstacle with the help of my roommate: we baked some cookies. Ah ha! Outsmarted myself again! Most of my life has been filled with this kind of conflict with myself. I'm always the winner, but then again I'm always the loser as well. It's a messy situation. But that's besides the point. The reason that I had not anticipated cookies as a possible method of breaking my healthy foods-kick is because the idea that I myself might actually bake cookies did not occur to me, not just bec...

Today is the celebration of Martin Luther King, Jr.'s birthday, which has been a national holiday since 1986. Accordingly, many people do not have to work today. I do, unfortunately, but I didn't want that to stop me from thinking about the significance of the day – so I'm taking a quick break from all the ruthless taxonomy to share my thoughts about MLK. Who was this guy? Why does he get a national holiday to celebrate his birthday? Did you know that the only other American who gets a holiday to celebrate his birthday is George Washington? It's true, I wouldn't lie. I was just reading an article from 1985 about how today's holiday came about, and apparently there were a lot of people who thought it would be a bad idea. Businesses would be closed and lose a lot of money, plus there were people who argued that Dr. King deserved no special recognition above and beyond that which so many other great Americans have received. Rep. Jesse Helms, R-NC, even denounced th...

I'm fat again. I really have this problem with dedication and commitment, you know? I dropped nearly 20 pounds for Macbeth and was well on my way towards my target weight when I kind of ran out of gas with the whole “eating healthy” thing. My infrequent indulgences in pizza, cookies, and ice cream became more and more frequent, with bigger and bigger portion sizes, and my physical activity level got a little lower every day. Still, everything was fine as long as I was still in a play. At least then I had several hours of light exercise each night, and that seemed to be enough to keep me from blimping up too much. Well it's been a little more than a month since “Two Gents” ended and let me tell you, that month has done its work. I'm now nearly back to the weight I was at when I promised I would never let myself weigh this much again. Now, to keep all this in perspective, I'm not horribly overweight or obese or anything and I'm certainly not having some kind of breakd...

I'm quite tired with people today. I'm tried of the dark and depressing aspects of human nature we see all about us: hatred, intolerance, prejudice, exclusion, demagoguery, and despair. Sure, it's in the news we get each day of still more violence and bloodshed in lands far away. But its here too, right in our backyard, in our community, in our workplaces, in us. We cannot lament the worst aspects of human nature without implicating ourselves. Perhaps thats why the reminders of our own failings as a species are so depressing – somewhere, deep down, we know that the darkness within others only proves the existence of darkness within ourselves. Why then must we always judge and condemn each other? Why then must we still live in a time when human beings live in perpetual fear of the judgment of their neighbors? Why, in this age of “progress” in this land of “freedom,” must human beings hide the most precious parts of themselves for fear of rejection and retribution? Why must ...

I guess I have one of those faces. When it comes time to hand out responsibility, I must just look like somebody who either will handle it well or, more likely, will take it without complaining too much. Its happened to me a number of times throughout my life, and sometimes I don't mind it because I can be a bit of control freak and want to get in there and do it myself. But a lot of times, I'd like to just be another one of the grunts, you know? Responsibility brings a lot of stress with it that I could do without. Especially when it does not bring along extra pay with it. Allow me to explain myself. As regular readers of my blog will already be aware, I got a new job a couple of months ago doing vague, inexplicable work known only as “taxonomy.” It's been a pretty good job, I really don't mind it. The work itself can be tedious, yet mentally engaging in its way and, since I can listen to the BBC or music from my personal collection all day and chat with friends onlin...

Greetings all and Happy New Year! I just watched the big ball drop and so, of course, I couldn't help but wonder about many things. Like, for example, why the heck do we drop a big ball to celebrate a new year? When is it really the new year, since its already past midnight in a number of places in the world? Where is the first place to turn 2006? Is our calendar completely arbitrary? And, of course, what in the heck are the words to that "Auld Lang Syne" song?? Well, I listened really closely to the words this year just so that I could pass them on to you. You don't have to thank me, really. Without further ado, here they are: Should mold in places we forgot, and ever wrought with grime! Should mold in places we forgot, and days of auld lang syne. Now, I know this doesn't really make any sense, so I did some research. Apparently the words were written by a Scotsman, who was probably drunk, which explains a lot. Also, it is a little known fact that "auld lan...

Ok I have something really cool to show you all today. First, you may want to read my friend Chris Clark's blog (link on the right) for a funny introduction to this process. Basically, this family history website is beta testing a new face recognition software. You upload a picture of yourself and it matches you mathematically with celebrities that look the most like you. Chris made it seem like so much fun that I'm going to shamelessly plagirize his idea and show you my results, and then I suggest you all go try it yourselves. I'm not sure how accurate this program is, I got a few different results on the same pictures in multiple tries, but here's the highlights: I started with this picture, which you may recognize from my blog profile. It was taken in London and I think its a very flattering picture. The site says the program works best with your face facing directly into the camera, but I thought I'd give this a try anyway. And here were my results: Wilhelm Roen...