No Games For Matt: Day Twelve

It's been a week fraught with emotions. I've felt like an unhinged person, all over the place. One minute I'm happier than I've ever been before, and the next I'm full of angst and crying over nothing.

It took a while before I connected this behavior to my lack of video games this month. It's almost like playing games was the thing that allowed me to hide from stuff, to self-medicate into a state of equilibrium where I was distracted enough for all unpleasantness to be pushed aside. Without that crutch, I'm finding I don't have other strong coping mechanisms for things I've been holding back all this time.

This is a problem, but an exciting one. I get a chance to really face anything that's been bothering me and develop new, healthier habits for coping with stress and anxiety. It's been eye opening to see how I've used games a cork in my emotional bottle, so to speak.

Again, this doesn't make games intrinsically bad. What was bad was the way I was using them and the attitude I'd built up around them. Dismantling the negative stuff about my gaming habit will hopefully make playing them when I do go back much more fun and positive.

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