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No Games For Matt: Day Six

I had my first dream about video games last night.

Quite revealingly, in the dream I had a vague sense of uneasiness and guilt about playing and kept saying "Just a few more minutes!" to some companion whose face I do not now remember. I woke up and laughed, but felt a little uneasy. My resolve has still been strong, but there has been some temptation, usually in a quiet moment when I'm not sure what else to do.

It's been an amazing experience having to choose how to spend my free time, rather than defaulting to habitual behavior. Even if I just end up watching some dumb TV show (Babylon 5 is surprisingly fun!) it's out of a choice and for just a small increment of time. By and large, though, I've been more productive in one weekend without video games then I was in the previous month!

I've written a bunch and, most impressively, suddenly found myself with a stronger urge to be social. I actually went dancing all night with a group of friends and not ONCE found myself wishing I was somewhere else by myself doing you-know-what. That's amazing. Generally social group events make me melancholy and withdrawn, but I found myself eager to reach out to people to fill the void the games have left behind.

To sum up, I'm actually happier than I have been in a long, long time.

I'm now beginning to think that when this month is over I need to create a structured way to introduce games back into my life, specifically deciding when I can play and for how long. I don't want to spiral back into the same problem as before, particularly when this experiment has already proved so successful.

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