The Coolest Guy On Earth

You know those times where you ever sit and think, "Man, everybody I know really sucks. Someplace somewhere there has got to be somebody so completely awesome that it literally would blow my socks off and make milk come out my nose just to be near him." Yeah, I hear you. We all feel that way sometimes. Well, not me. I know that guy. He's my best friend.



He is a man of many names. Master of a Thousand Voices. King of Random Hats. The Golden Prince of Cheese. Lord of Catan. Kingpin of Kool-Aid. Viceroy of Vice. Grand Chancellor of Wild. Prime Minister of Pie. Savant of Nerdy Trivia. Impromptu Film Director. Emperor of the Eclectic. Avatar of Apple Martinis. Friend of Beasts. Duke of the Dance Floor. Protector of Awkward Comedy of Days Gone By.



He is always there for you, with a smile, a laugh, or a drunken kiss, whatever the need may be. His door and his heart are always open, and he'll always let you pet his dog, sleep on his couch, or flirt with his wife. He is kind and generous, brave and true, faithful and cunning.



His name is Michael Downey. His glory will purge the world. Look upon him, ye nations, and despair.