I'm no longer fat.
Ok, so I never was fat, really. But I was certainly heading that way. I was plagued with nightmares of myself at forty watching TV from my bed while eating a drumstick, so large I could not support my own weight, and then dying of a heart attack. Nothing I could do was stopping the inexorable process. I would stop gaining weight, then lose a pound or two, then suddenly gain a bunch more. More and more of my pants were going into the "do not fit anymore" pile.
The final straw came when we saw the costume designs for the upcoming production of Macbeth that I am in. My costume requires me to wear a very tight shirt, which looks really good in the rendering, but I worried about what it might reveal. I pulled the shirt I was wearing back from behind, making it look tight in the front so that we could get a preview. "Uh-oh," said my director, the lovely and talented Barta Heiner, "looks like you got a little extra flub here," and she grabbed the part which I hate the most, those awful love handles. And, indeed, they were quite noticeable. I had convinced myself that I was the only person who noticed, but somebody else pointed them out it was all too clear something had to change. "What should I do?" I asked, desparately. "You must change your eating habits," she said simply.
Whats wrong with the way I eat? I eat a whole bunch of Stouffer's food at work, not mention bagels, toast, cereal, and carbs of all kinds. I sit at work and do nothing physical, then come home a fairly sensible dinner of pizza, or chicken and rice, or something of that sort, followed by a big bowl of ice cream! Oh, and I eat sweets. Lots and lots of sweets. I had no idea how much of a sweet tooth I had until I took a step back and looked at it. My absolute favorite are the big sugar cookies with a thick layer of pink frosting they sell in every vending machine around here.
So maybe she had a point. I had long known that my diet had to change, and especially that I had to cut back on sweets. I was advised over a year ago by my wise yoga instructor to eliminate processed sugars from my life. It went something like this:
Me: "Sensei, I come to you for advice and direction. Tell me, how can I live and full and happy life? Speak your wisdom, and I shall obey and follow."
Him: "Matthew-san, not easy the path of peace and enlightenment is. Ready are you to face its trials?"
Me: "Yes, sensei, I will do anything which you direct."
Him: "Then, my child, listen closely you must. Beware the dark side of sugar! Shun it from your life, and happiness you shall find, and peace."
Me: "YOU'RE CRAZY, YOU OLD COOT!"
Ok, so it didn't go exactly like that. But my version is much cooler, don't you think? The point is that I realized finally that I had to make some sacrifices if I wanted to look good and live long and prosper. You see, there is more than simply vanity at stake here. I'm an actor, it runs in my blood, and for the next several years the only kind of parts that I can expect to be cast in are the young lover type of role. Thats my type. I cannot be competitive, especially on a professional level, for those kind of parts with a pot belly. Nobody wants to see a Romeo with tiny biceps and huge love handles. As an actor, your whole body is your instrument and it must in good shape to be used to its full potential.
So I changed my diet. No more sugar. Cut back on carbs. All that good stuff. Get plenty of exercise. And I'm pleased to say that its working very well. I've always had a high metabolism, and by eliminating the yucky stuff I'm able to let it do its work. I've lost 12 pounds in the last month, and continuing to fall. My excess flub is going. Come see me in Macbeth, because I'm going to look hot!
I've never had cravings for a specific food before, though, and every now and then I brake into a cold sweat like a junkie in withdrawals, and my whole body aches and screams out in monstrous rage, "SUGAR! CANDY! COOKIES!" and I am forced to bring all my willpower to bear and say, "No longer shall these primal urges rule my destiny. I am in control now! Begone!" And just like that, the urges subside and, being gone, I am a man again.
Ok, so I never was fat, really. But I was certainly heading that way. I was plagued with nightmares of myself at forty watching TV from my bed while eating a drumstick, so large I could not support my own weight, and then dying of a heart attack. Nothing I could do was stopping the inexorable process. I would stop gaining weight, then lose a pound or two, then suddenly gain a bunch more. More and more of my pants were going into the "do not fit anymore" pile.
The final straw came when we saw the costume designs for the upcoming production of Macbeth that I am in. My costume requires me to wear a very tight shirt, which looks really good in the rendering, but I worried about what it might reveal. I pulled the shirt I was wearing back from behind, making it look tight in the front so that we could get a preview. "Uh-oh," said my director, the lovely and talented Barta Heiner, "looks like you got a little extra flub here," and she grabbed the part which I hate the most, those awful love handles. And, indeed, they were quite noticeable. I had convinced myself that I was the only person who noticed, but somebody else pointed them out it was all too clear something had to change. "What should I do?" I asked, desparately. "You must change your eating habits," she said simply.
Whats wrong with the way I eat? I eat a whole bunch of Stouffer's food at work, not mention bagels, toast, cereal, and carbs of all kinds. I sit at work and do nothing physical, then come home a fairly sensible dinner of pizza, or chicken and rice, or something of that sort, followed by a big bowl of ice cream! Oh, and I eat sweets. Lots and lots of sweets. I had no idea how much of a sweet tooth I had until I took a step back and looked at it. My absolute favorite are the big sugar cookies with a thick layer of pink frosting they sell in every vending machine around here.
So maybe she had a point. I had long known that my diet had to change, and especially that I had to cut back on sweets. I was advised over a year ago by my wise yoga instructor to eliminate processed sugars from my life. It went something like this:
Me: "Sensei, I come to you for advice and direction. Tell me, how can I live and full and happy life? Speak your wisdom, and I shall obey and follow."
Him: "Matthew-san, not easy the path of peace and enlightenment is. Ready are you to face its trials?"
Me: "Yes, sensei, I will do anything which you direct."
Him: "Then, my child, listen closely you must. Beware the dark side of sugar! Shun it from your life, and happiness you shall find, and peace."
Me: "YOU'RE CRAZY, YOU OLD COOT!"
Ok, so it didn't go exactly like that. But my version is much cooler, don't you think? The point is that I realized finally that I had to make some sacrifices if I wanted to look good and live long and prosper. You see, there is more than simply vanity at stake here. I'm an actor, it runs in my blood, and for the next several years the only kind of parts that I can expect to be cast in are the young lover type of role. Thats my type. I cannot be competitive, especially on a professional level, for those kind of parts with a pot belly. Nobody wants to see a Romeo with tiny biceps and huge love handles. As an actor, your whole body is your instrument and it must in good shape to be used to its full potential.
So I changed my diet. No more sugar. Cut back on carbs. All that good stuff. Get plenty of exercise. And I'm pleased to say that its working very well. I've always had a high metabolism, and by eliminating the yucky stuff I'm able to let it do its work. I've lost 12 pounds in the last month, and continuing to fall. My excess flub is going. Come see me in Macbeth, because I'm going to look hot!
I've never had cravings for a specific food before, though, and every now and then I brake into a cold sweat like a junkie in withdrawals, and my whole body aches and screams out in monstrous rage, "SUGAR! CANDY! COOKIES!" and I am forced to bring all my willpower to bear and say, "No longer shall these primal urges rule my destiny. I am in control now! Begone!" And just like that, the urges subside and, being gone, I am a man again.
Comments
Glad to hear it's working for you :) You'll be so sexy when we come see you in Hamlet, I'm certainly looking forward to it!
At the same time, please loose the pot-belly. That just doesnt go well in a Shakespearean role.
I need to find some sort of physical activity while I am away from the college town.
Was that dirty?