Deranged Ramblings

If you are in need of a simple way to amuse yourself in a few empty moments (as I often am at work), then head over to www.blogthings.com where you can take a bunch of random and meaningless quizzes designed to tell you everything about yourself based upon four or five stupid questions. It's hardly sound physchological evaluation, but I was surprised by the number of times it seemed to be dead on. I reprint the more successful and/or amusing results here for your passing amusement. QUIZZES ABOUT ME IN GENERAL How Open Minded Are You? You Are 52% Open Minded You are a very open minded person, but you're also well grounded. Tolerant and flexible, you appreciate most lifestyles and viewpoints. But you also know where you stand firm, and you can draw that line. You're open to considering every possibility - but in the end, you stand true to yourself. How American Are You? You Are 49% American America: You don't love it or want to leave it. But you wouldn't mind giving

What is Xanadu? Boy, am I glad you asked! It's a place where nobody dares to go. Its “A Fantasy, A Musical, A Place Where Dreams Come True.” It defies definition and expectations. Its an experience unlike any other. Anybody who attended the wild and crazy Hamlet cast party last Saturday night would agree: its life-changing. Like they say in the song, “they needed the world to know they are in XANADU.” In more mundane terms, Xanadu is a “movie” (I use the term loosely) made in 1980 starring Olivia Newton-John and Gene Kelly. It's difficult to accurately express what it is like. Its the most impossibly and fantastically bad movie ever made. I mean, some films are just bad and you watch them and you're merely bored or irritated. Its takes a rare moment of movie magic for all the bad elements to combine so perfectly to make something so thoroughly and thrillingly entertaining. Olivia Newton-John (whats with TWO surnames anyway? Seems greedy) stars as Kira, a glowing, groovy,

I can remember quite vividly the exact moment when I first looked at eyebrows. I mean, really looked at them and thought about them. I was sitting the passenger seat of a jeepney , the dominant form of public transportation in the Philippines, looking at myself in the side view mirror. I realized suddenly that there was hair growing on my forehead. All my life I had never given a second thought to these two strange patches perching confidently above my eyes, but now they seemed alien and bizarre. I began looking at the people around me – the Filipino driver next to me, the other passengers seated in the back waiting stoically for their destination to at last arrive, various people on the side of the road. They all had eyebrows! For some reason I found this incredibly odd. When you think about it, the bottom of your forehead seems a bit of an unlikely place for two distinctly shaped growths of hair to inhabit. I recognize, of course, their functional purpose. Not only do they block s

Ok, everybody. Somebody started this fad of creating quizzes about yourself, so here's mine. I couldn't bring myself to take it too seriously. Good luck. Matt's Quiz If you score badly, you obviously aren't a very good friend.

In my mind I'm goin' to Carolina Can't you see the sunshine Can't you just feel the moonshine Ain't it just like a friend of mine To hit me from behind Yes I'm goin' to Carolina in my mind Dark and silent late last night I think I might've heard the highway calling Geese in flight and dogs that bite Signs that might be omens say I'm going I'm goin' to Carolina in my mind With a holy host of others standing 'round me Still I'm on the dark side of the moon And it seems like it goes on like this forever You must forgive me If I'm up and goin' to Carolina in my mind In my mind I'm goin' to Carolina Can't you see the sunshine Can't you just feel the moonshine Ain't it just like a friend of mine To hit me from behind Yes I'm goin' to Carolina in my mind Goin' to Carolina in my mind And I'm goin' to Carolina in my mind Goin' to Carolina in my mind

One website I like to visit frequently is mcsweeneys.net , where erudite and expressive people contribute short articles about varied subjects for the general amusement of all. One feature that you can contribute to is called "Open Letters to People or Entities That Are Unlikely To Respond." I suggest you check it out, I'm a big fan. I have written my own contribution based on a situation in my own life, slightly exagerated of course for comedic effect. I have now revised it and submitted it to the website. Thanks to everybody who gave me input! (4/6/06 Note: The editors "decided to pass" on my submission. Oh well.) An Open Letter to My Persistent Yet Unwelcome Arch-Nemesis Dear Arch-Nemesis, When I was three-to-five years old, I loved the movie "Superman II." In my childish innocence I regarded it as far superior to its predecessor, a blatant example of the inability of young minds to make informed value judgments. Nevertheless, I could quote all the